Today someone asked me an interesting question: “Do you ever get scared you won’t get everything you want?”
The short answer here is, no.
I used to be scared that I wouldn’t be able to live my life to the fullest. I used to worry that I would never get to fulfill my dreams of seeing the world, or that I would end up spending my life balancing profession with endless housework. This used to scare me quite a bit, but not anymore.
I’ve come to realize that I can have anything I want – it’s up to me really. I know I want to travel and I have been doing it and planning for more. I’m even considering teaching abroad for a year. I also know I don’t want a life centered on housework after a long day of work, or a life that revolves around work and big houses or fancy cars. So, I know I want to be with someone who is willing to share household responsibilities (it’s always more fun with a buddy!), and who prioritizes living life over making a fancy living.
Honestly the only one standing in my way at this point in my life is myself, and if I can’t fight myself for what I truly want then I must not want it badly enough.
I am realizing that I am an incredibly persistent person. Therefore, I do not ever worry that I will not get something that I want.
This being said, what does scare me is not knowing what I want. I still don’t know what I want to spend most of my life doing. I don’t want a job I am not passionate about. I don’t want work to punch me in the stomach everyday. I know that once I can figure out what I truly want, I can run after it full-speed ahead; but when will I figure out what it is I want to be chasing?
My other fear is, to be honest, mediocrity. I am scared of being average, and this is not a fear I’ve fully explored or openly expressed yet. I have a fear of not being well-known for something, but this realization is underdeveloped and not ready to be fully shared yet.
To sum it all up: Do I fear I won’t have everything I want? No. Do I fear whether I’ll know soon enough what I want? Yes.
Here is what I know I do want, and what I express my gratitude for near daily:
Family who loves me, friends who care and support me, health, inner happiness, peace of mind, love without pain, someone I can trust, purposeful work, fitness, faith, adventure, freedom of expression.
What do you want out of life?