, , , ,

Do you ever feel like you’ve done some parts of your life wrong?

Like maybe the decisions you made to forgo certain leadership opportunities, or social events or even academic excellence that felt so spontaneous and fine in the moment, maybe weren’t?

Of course, we’ve all made our mistakes. I just often find myself wondering, what if?

What if I had gone out for a Resident Adviser position in college rather than setting my mind on moving out of the dorms into an apartment? What if I had transferred to a bigger, more diverse school? What if I had accepted my place at Syracuse instead of at Bradley? What if I had decided on grad school in London, or that internship in Washington DC rather than Teach For America?

I still firmly believe everything happens for a reason. But, at the same time I can’t help but wonder about what could have been. What kind of person would I be today if I had chosen path x y or z? Sometimes, I imagine there are other dimensions and other versions of myself, living out each of these different lives. Are some happier than others? More worldly? More put together? More lonely? More generous? More religious? More ambitious?

Is there a winning version of myself out there somewhere beyond my senses? Or do we all end up at the same place at some point? Perhaps the journey is varied and the destination the same.

Honestly, I don’t know if that’s terrifying or empowering.