There’s a lot of talk out there about how feelings keep you human.
No one seems to question whether or not that’s actually a good thing, though. If you ask me, it’s not often something to be proud of.
Emotions, especially the powerful ones that remind you you’re human, are draining and at times debilitating.
Just think about a time you’ve felt: Livid. Hopeless. Guilty. Indignant. Euphoric. Distraught. Terrified. Worthless.
Positive or negative, these emotions seem flawed. They are all-consuming. Is there anything more dangerous than the vacuum of our own emotions sucking us in? Is there any drug that can make us more reckless than our own, out-of-control feelings?
The things we do or say in anger are often rash and hurtful, and lead to intense feelings of guilt. In guilt, we question our own self-worth, and wish to turn back time which is of course impossible. This bring us to hopelessness and grief. Grief is truly dangerous. There is no color here. Everything is gray and washed out, because nothing can withstand a wash from tears the heart cries.
In a way, grief is what eventually brings us closest to the loss of all emotion. Grief leads to lethargy and resignation from the world. But torture ensues when we realize that grief won’t let us off the hook that easily. We must either dwell for ages on the very tip of grief’s tongue, or maneuver ourselves back to the full spectrum of emotion. From there, we continue to feel again while wishing we wouldn’t.
At times, though we know better, we even induce the emotions ourselves. We pick at barely healed scars, dredge up paranoia and replay injustices.
Perhaps there is an inextricable link between humanity and emotion. Perhaps, as much as we may sometimes wish to feel nothing at all it is in the nature of our subconscious to deny fulfillment. Perhaps the human wish to become in-human, to escape the pain and misery in the world, is the very reason for an inescapable spectrum in the first place.
And so we are either doomed to perpetually feel and wish not to, or charged with meeting each emotion with courage and resolve.