It’s not that I don’t like to look nice. It’s not that I’ve sworn off mirrors and don’t take care of myself. It’s just that I don’t make the effort to go above and beyond.
My sisters, who care about me deeply, remind me that I should put a little more effort into the way that I look. Maybe wear some more makeup, maybe lose the glasses and go for contacts, maybe heels sometimes or a dress or better fitting pants or hair done differently (or done at all).
The truth is, I just don’t really…care. I can vaguely remember a version of myself who did – waking up early every morning to do her hair, nails always freshly painted, contacts in no matter how much they burned, wearing shoes even if they weren’t amazingly comfortable because they were cute. I think of that person and it kind of makes me laugh. What was it all for?
Don’t get me wrong, of course I like to look nice and I definitely carry myself decently (I think so at least). I just don’t care to make the effort to go beyond what my normal routine is. I get up, shower, throw on some combination of school appropriate clothes that I’ve worn a million times before, slap on my makeup same as always and I’m out.
I suppose lately it’s gotten worse, as I find myself rotating the same pairs of pants or jeans to work very frequently [which will now happen even more since I got pen all over my khakis and have little time/am too lazy to go shopping]. I’ve also stopped doing my hair. Completely. It’s out of the shower, untangle the knots, maybe throw on a clip and voila.
I spent half my childhood begging for contacts and now I have to force myself to actually wear them out. I used to swoon over heels and now I am down to sometimes hobbling around in the one decent pair I own. That whole beauty is pain thing? NO THANK YOU. It’s just not me.
It’s interesting to me to reflect on these changes in myself. I can hardly remember the zeal of pre-teen Nausheen, scrambling to look like I had my life together and had just stepped out of a movie for a little stroll in the real world or something. How amusing.
Again, this isn’t to say I don’t cringe at a new breakout or refrain from mentally scolding myself for most of my gluttony. I guess, if I’m being honest, I’m just becoming sloppier or lazier when it comes to doing my hair or choosing an outfit. Maybe it’s the fact that I am surrounded by 6th graders all day. I have no one to impress, nor any desire to try to impress anyone really.
So I guess, what’s the point of looking all wonderful everyday when I could be sleeping or getting some work done instead?
Sure there is a certain confidence that comes from looking your best, but for me to feel at my best it’s going to take a lot more than straight hair and some hotpants!
So for now, I will continue in my ways during the week, maybe bust out some heels and contacts on the weekends, and carry on prioritizing work, sleep and laziness.